Virile Vampire Sucks Democracy Out Of Russia

This is a beginning of a series of articles on today’s dictators and despots currently making life miserable for anyone that isn’t them (or their immediate friends). Given the recent events coming out of the Russian Federation, I figured we should start with:

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin

Vladimir Putin

Beginning of Reign: 1999

Former Jobs:

Member of the KGB (1975-1992)

Head of the NSB (appointed by Boris Yeltsin) (1998-1999)

First Deputy Prime Minster of the Russian Federation (appointed by Boris Yeltsin) (For one day in 1999 before becoming…)

Acting Prime Minister of the Russian Federation (1999-2000)

President of Russian Federation (2000-2008)

Current ‘Title’: Prime Minister of the Russian Federation (2008-2012)

A recent announcement from Dmitry Medvedev, the President of Russia, has made it clear that he will not be seeking a second term in 2012. Instead he will make room for Vladimir Putin, who Medvedev says is much more popular than him (though polling shows they are in a statistical dead heat). Both are member’s of Putin-controlled United Russia party, which has a stranglehold on Russian politics.

No one was terribly shocked by the news that Putin wanted back the Presidency. Heck, it even came out a day or two ago that Putin and Medvedev had arranged the whole thing years ago.

Known as the Virile Vampire in some circles, Vlad is the newest Russian political strongman in a long and storied line of Russian strongmen. Under his judo-chopping hand of fury Russia has seen the few civil liberties and democratic processes it had utterly decimated. He has destroyed media outlets that disagree with his policies and sent out FSB hit men to silence anyone who voices opposition.

But what does that matter when you look good without a shirt on?

Vladimir Putin (age 56)

Err, well… good might not be the word I’d use. Check out America’s answer, Mother Russia!

Arnold Schwarzenegger (age 56)

Okay, so he was born in Austria. Big deal. We’ve also got Teddy “Big Stick” Roosevelt!

Editor's Note: image may, in fact, be entirely fake.