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Theo’s Twits Of The Week: Occupy Wall Street Protesters

Posted on 10. Oct, 2011 by in Current Events

This week’s Twits are living in boxes in the middle of a Manhattan park by choice!

garbage1 236x300 Theos Twits Of The Week: Occupy Wall Street Protesters

Occupy Wall Street Protesters

Occupy Wall Street Protesters

Welcome to the 99%… of people I do not want to share a gene pool with. I do not believe I have ever seen such a conglomeration of petty thugs and half-wits outside of a Syrian cabinet meeting.

It seems like most of the Occupy Wall Street Twits have missed out on some fundamental part of life. For reasons that boggle my mind, many of them seem to think that corporations owe them something. It would be totally hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that these poor morons think turning a park in Manhattan into a sewer will somehow get their point across to corporate America.

If you want to affect a change on a private entities like the Evil Corporations, the last thing you do is turn the park across the street from them into a public urinal. No one at the Evil Corporations will ever care that you do not like them, particularly when the bulk of the protest group is a bunch of whiny, self-interested morons.

99percentdrugsbody 4 Theos Twits Of The Week: Occupy Wall Street Protesters

You can't get a job? Hmmm, maybe I can FEILD an answer for this one...

The fat cats helming Wall Street and those Evil Corporations do not take you seriously, Twits. At all. As a matter of fact, they are laughing at you right now. You are funny to them (because you sh*t where you eat). That’s it. They do not have to do anything to please you, because you have no power over them. I know you think you and your vblog can shame Goldman-Sachs into changing their corporate policies, but that’s not true, and it is a sign of immaturity to think it is.

But why don’t the corporations love me and obey my whims, cry the Occupy Twits!

Corporations are engines for generating capital. That’s it. They aren’t your mom and dad, and they don’t want to be your mom and dad (you’re getting them confused with Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama). They want to make money. If the government let them, they would hand out cancer like candy and make children work 18 hour shifts in factories in order to make more money.

This is, however, illegal. You see, corporations are subject to laws, which are passed by elected officials that represent us. While sometimes a wily corporation will find ways to skirt federal and state law, typically this gets them a kick in the keister in the end. Because corporations do not like being told what to do, even by the government, they will employ lobbyists to get their way. It is the responsibility of the elected politicians to not do what the corporations want if it will do damage to the people those representatives serve (you and me). If an elected official is not doing this job correctly, he or she must be replaced – and we all can do something about that.

So when the Evil Corporations (like the banks) lend out money in crazy ways, it is only because the government LETS THEM DO IT. The federal government actually encouraged the sub-prime market in numerous ways, and the corporations (which exist entirely to make money) took every risk they were allowed. This is the reason there have been no prosecutions stemming from the housing collapse, Occupy Twits. It was all legal, and your government not only let it go down, it was encouraging the behavior.

So, Occupy Twits, if you want to change the behavior of corporations, you’ve got two options:

A) Make a lot of money and buy the corporate entities you dislike and change their policies.

B) Get involved politics and help pass laws to curtail the activities of the corporate entities you dislike.

Option B is hard, but it is far more likely to be accomplished that Option A, particularly since the Occupy Twits abhor capitalism.

Before I hear cries of “Oh noes! It is IMPOSSIBLE!” I would like to remind the Occupy Twits that there was this little bunch of protesters everybody in Washington laughed at a few years ago. They are called The Tea Party, and boy, did the Democrats (who, at the time, controlled both the Executive and Legislative branches of the federal government) think they were loony! No one can just CHANGE the way government works! HA!

Yes, Occupy Twits, those people you thought of as idiot hicks as you watched them on TV while sitting on your bean bag chair in your mother’s basement went ahead and did something about their beliefs. They did not sit in a park for a month and cry about life. They organized and brought political power to bear.

Don’t fret though, my dim-witted, iPhone-totting Che Guevara warriors. I know you’re used to your daddy cutting your meat (or tofu meat substitute) for you, so I’ve gone and done some research and am happy to point you in the right direction to begin your crusade for a better, socialist nanny-state tomorrow! If you really want to affect some change (and are currently squatting in the Manhattan area), I would suggest heading to the following sites:

James J. Walker Park
Distance from Zuccotti Park: 1.6 miles
This park is in New York’s 8th Congressional District (which includes the intersection of Wall and Broad Streets)
It is represented in Congress by Jerrold Nadler (Democrat)
Fun Facts About Jerrold:
Years in public office for state of New York: 34
Member of the New York State Assembly from the 67th District (1977-1992)
U.S. House of Representatives from New York’s 8th District (1992-current)
Seniority in House of Representatives (out of 434): 64th
Voted to repeal Glass–Steagall Act via Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act: Yes (http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=h1999-570)
His New York Office:
201 Varick Street
Suite 669
New York, NY 10014
Phone: 212-367-7350

Marcus Garvey Park
Distance from Zuccotti Park: 9.5 miles
This park is in New York’s 15th Congressional District
It is represented in Congress by Charles Rangel (Democrat)
Fun Facts About Charlie:
Years in public office for state of New York: 40
U.S. House of Representatives from New York’s
18th District (1971–1973)
19th District (1973–1983)
16th District (1983–1993)
15th district (1993-current)
Seniority in House of Representatives (out of 434): 3rd!
Voted to repeal Glass–Steagall Act via Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act: Yes (http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=h1999-570)
His New York Office:
163 West 125th St.
Suite #737
New York, NY 10027
Phone: 212-663-3900

Rupert Park
Distance from Zuccotti Park: 8.5 miles
This park is in New York’s 14th Congressional District
It is represented in Congress by Carolyn B. Maloney (Democrat)
Fun Facts About Carolyn:
Years in public office for state of New York: 28
New York City Councilor (1982-1992)
U.S. House of Representatives from New York’s 14th District (1993-current)
Seniority in House of Representatives (out of 434): 85th
Voted to repeal Glass–Steagall Act via Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act: Yes
(http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=h1999-570)
Her New York Office:
1651 3rd Avenue
Suite 311
New York, NY 10128-3679
Phone: 212-860-0606

Tompkins Square Park
Distance from Zuccotti Park: 2.8 miles
This park is in New York’s 14th Congressional District
It is represented in Congress by Nydia Velázquez (Democrat)
Fun Facts About Nydia:
Years in public office for state of New York: (At least) 19
New York City Councilor (1984-???? Author’s note: could not find length of term)
U.S. House of Representatives from New York’s 14th District (1993-current)
Seniority in House of Representatives (out of 434): 92nd
Voted to repeal Glass–Steagall Act via Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act: Yes (http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=h1999-570)
Her New York Office:
173 Avenue B
New York, NY 10009
Phone (212) 673-3997

There you go! There’s four of the most powerful politicians in the area with federal level clout and over 120 collective years of public service under their belts. Do yourselves a favor and go protest in front of them.

Honorable Mentions

pelosi Theos Twits Of The Week: Occupy Wall Street Protesters

I'm hip! I'm ONE OF YOU!

Nancy Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi, who has been in Congress since 1987, believes that the Occupy Wall Street Twits have it right!

Well, I support the message to the establishment — whether it’s Wall Street or the political establishment and the rest — that change has to happen.

I hate to break it to you, Nancy, but being a former Speaker of the House, you ARE the establishment. This whole economic crisis went down when you were in charge of the House of Representatives.

If the protesters in Zuccotti Park had any brains at all, they would be camped out on your front lawn.

screen shot 2011 10 07 at 9.31.57 pm Theos Twits Of The Week: Occupy Wall Street Protesters

I know I LOOK like a dictionary salesman, but I still don't know what the word cult means.

Robert Jeffress

In the fine Republican tradition of insert-foot-into-mouth, Robert Jeffress, the Pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, managed to make himself sound even dumber than a typical fundamentalist Christian when he introduced Rick Perry at a rally a few days ago. After praising Rick as a “genuine follower of Jesus Christ,” this idiot went outside and said the following to reporters:

Rick Perry is a Christian. He’s an evangelical Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ. Mitt Romney’s a good moral person, but he’s not a Christian. Mormonism is not Christianity. It has always been considered a cult by the mainstream of Christianity. So it’s the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian.

A cult (according to dictionary.com) is:
noun
1. a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and ceremonies.
2. an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers
3. the object of such devotion.
4. a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc.
5. a group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols.

If there was ever a religion that fit this bill as a cult, it would be Christianity. Of course, there is also the narrow and pejorative meaning of the word, which is meant as a insult to a set of beliefs different from another. Could it be that a Baptist preacher would be using the narrower, more pig-headed and close-minded meaning of the word cult?! Hmm….

If a candidate is a good, moral person, like Jeffress is saying Mitt Romney is, then it is disgusting to disqualify him from service because he isn’t a member of your particular cult. Any good, moral person would know that, which speaks volumes about the quality of character of Pastor Robert Jeffress.

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  • Horsey F@rt

    Good article, TR.

    What we have in these protesters are mainly try-hard, look-at-me, hipster types who will go home to mommy and daddy and their big trust funds and homes in the suburbs when they’re done pretending to be gritty, edgy, urban strugglers who give a shit. *Yawn.

  • Horsey F@rt

    While I am thinking about it, last year’s protesters in Madison, WI comprised (among other knuckleheads), a person hula hooping while standing on stilts, a hippy drum circle, and the pedophile member of Peter, Paul & Mary. How lucky for the public sector workers of Wisconsin!

    We’re lucky to have the right to assemble however we choose in this country, but, man oh man, do we look bad when protest. Thoreau,Gandhi, and MLK have been doing a lot of spinning lately.

  • JazzQuipster

    Look, Wall Street ruined the economy and the crash of 2008 was a direct result of the excess and abuse of Wall Street banking institutions. And, who got hit the hardest by this? The middle-class. If you own a home, it’s probably worth 1/3 less than it was worth three years ago. If you had money invested in stocks and mutual funds, chances are a lot of that wealth has also vanished. Jobs have moved overseas at an alarming rate. Kids coming out of college can’t find jobs and many borrowed money to go to college in the first place. The American Dream that you and I grew up with no longer exists. 

    Let’s look at mortgage lending. Thirty years ago when I bought my first home mortgage lenders were very strict that my monthly housing payment (loan payment plus escrow) could not exceed 1/3 of my monthly income. Those were the rules and there were very few mortgage defaults in those days and those rules also tended to keep home pricing inflation in check preventing a bubble.

    At some point those rules went out the window and mortgage lenders were EAGER to loan money to anyone with a pulse. The income to home payment ratio became a thing of the past and “Liar Loans” were accepted without question. Every day my mailbox would be full of offers to refinance and borrow against the equity in my home for dream vacations, home improvements, etc. McMansions started popping up in neighborhoods with modest homes. The price of real estate went through the roof. Is it not clear that this bubble had to burst?

    And where were the banks, why didn’t they do the normal due diligence that you would expect from sophisticated lending institutions? They had figured out a way to cover their ass with credit default swaps. What did they care of you could pay the money back? They rigged the system so that they couldn’t lose. And so far they haven’t. We in the middle-class are the big losers. And yet you wonder why people are out protesting in the middle of Wall Street. Maybe you just haven’t been paying attention. 

    I admire those people protesting. There’s an unholy alliance between big business and politics. We, the people have been rendered irrelevant. Protesting in the streets is the only thing that will change that. I proudly stand 100% behind the Occupy Wall Street protestors.

  • Joefastjet17

    You don’t have a clue as to who these protesters are, and neither does the real ‘Twit’, Theo, author of this garbage that fails in the attempt to be intellectual. These people are in the street cause there is NOWHERE else to be seen and heard. It is the place to start for those with NO economic or political punch. Wall Street, big banking, and big business were all bailed out on the backs of the people who are now protesting. It is really not so different than the Teaparty message, before that movement was highjacked by the far right of the Republican Party. No doubt that ‘corporations don’t care’–but if the OCCUPY protests gain some traction, and with it some political punch, the corporations will have to start paying attention.

  • JazzQuipster

    Right you are Joefastjet, Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party are actually flip sides of the same coin, justifiably pissed off Americans. Both are the middle-class who have been screwed.

    The difference between the two is that Tea Party anger was coopted by the Koch Brothers front group that has convinced them that their problems are all due to the gubmint helping poor people. What a joke, blame it on the poor people. Meanwhile the rich, the 1%, skate free with middle-class jamokes fighting among themselves over who is at fault.

    Occupy Wall Street has it exactly right. The fault for the collapse lies with Wall Street. They own the politicians and nothing will change until we change that. Get corporate money out of politics. Camp out on Wall Street until change is forced upon them.