Theo's Twits Of The Week: Kamal Subhi And The Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala

Theo’s Twits Of The Week: Kamal Subhi And The Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala

Posted on 04. Dec, 2011 by Theodore Roe in Current Events

This week’s Twits have GAWD on their side! Better cover up, lest a pack of men turned to homosexuality for lack of pure, virgin brides plug your every orifice because King Abdullah did not heed the warnings of:

Kamal Subhi and the Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala

A recently authored report by Kamal Subhi, former professor at the King Fahd University (Go Fighting Gynophobes!), and the the Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala, Saudi Arabia’s highest religious council, has taken the ludicrous notion that people without exterior genitalia could POSSBILY pilot automobiles without causing an earth-shattering collapse of Saudi culture and morality and thoroughly debunked it!

This report, presented to the Shura, the advisory council to the King, outlines how allowing women to drive would not only drastically reduce the number of virgins in the kingdom, it would also drive both men and women alike into hopeless dependence on pornography and homosexuality to please their bestial sexual urges. The only possible way to avoid such a horrifying collapse of the Saudi social structure is to be certain no woman is allowed to drive in a city.

Saudi women, thanks to a Middle-Eastern tradition that has no basis in Muslim law, are not allowed to mix with men they are not related to. Because of this they need to be covered from head to toe when there is a chance that a non-related man might see them. So, the reason a woman cannot drive a car is that she must uncover her face in order to operate a vehicle safely, and there is the heavily-documented and well-known fact that a man, when confronted with the bare earlobes or cheekbones of a strange woman driving a car, will immediately smash his car into hers as an excuse to have sex with her as quickly as possible. If he is unable to smash into her car for some reason, he will, if riding in a car with other men, organized a quick circle jerk or, if alone, proceed at high speed to the nearest porn store.

Yes, this report was authored in 2011, not 1932. It was done because the King of Saudi Arabia was reported to be possibly considering lifting the ban (which, actually cannot be found in any law book, but is enforced anyway) on female drivers. Hard-line conservative elements within Saudi society saw this as a bridge too far, particularly since the King had recently promised women the ability to vote and hold public office in 2015 elections.

I personally think that the reason the 87-year-old King Abdullah set that date is because he’s pretty sure he will be dead by then, and the whole problem of international condemnation for lack of women’s rights can be handed off to Crown Prince Nayef (who, by most accounts, is a staunch conservative). The draconian restrictions of Saudi Arabia’s gender apartheid will most likely go on, all in the name of a religion that does not support it, because a few men are afraid of a the power of a few women. It is sickening and sad that this behavior is still tolerated at all by the world.

Honorable Mentions

donald trump Theos Twits Of The Week: Kamal Subhi And The Majlis al Ifta’ al A’ala

The Donald, in all his windswept glory.

NewsMax / ION Television

NewsMax has tapped The Donald to host their GOP debate, which will mark the ten billionth such meeting of the sorry cast of Republican contenders for the honor of being soundly defeated by Barack Obama in the 2012 presidential election. With Trump’s stellar record of tackling the important issues (like Obama’s birth certificate) combined with his business savvy (being born into money and social connections, yet still managing to repeatedly bankrupt business after business) there’s no doubt in my mind that this will be the debate that decides the whole schmear! My only worry is that fire jugglers and car stuffed with acrobat midgets might not have a chance to do their acts before Trump fires the whole panel and brings this sad three ring circus to a close.

Tim Tebow

tebow2 Theos Twits Of The Week: Kamal Subhi And The Majlis al Ifta’ al A’ala

Tim Tebow helping us find God. I wasn't aware he was lost...

If you want to follow a religion, I say, hey, good for you. Everyone should have a hobby. As long as you’re not trying to burn people at the stake or attack science cause it doesn’t jive with your faith-based belief system, you go right on praying to God, Allah, a Flying Spaghetti Monster – whatever.

But when it comes to thanking your omniscient, omnipotent deity (or deities) in public, please be consistent. What makes me think Tim Tebow (and other athletes like him) is a Twit is that he only seems to thank his God when things go right. Tim, if everything is by His Divine Plan, then when your touchdown pass gets intercepted, why don’t you point up to heaven and thank him then?

Share on Facebook