Today the Twit is a collective entity! No, it isn’t The Borg, it is:
Letters omitted to protect the children and add an extra dose of HILARITY!
The Chicago Cubs
There’s nothing like fighting a losing season with voodoo!
In order to play off the fact that they are having (yet again) a losing season, some of the Cubs players decided to print up t-shirts that have a graphic depicting a billy goat struck out by an anti symbol. On the back it reads “F**k The Goat!”
This probably makes no sense to anyone that is not either A) from Chicago or B) drowning in a gooey mixture of beer, nacho cheese and inane baseball lore. For the purposes of this article I am going to assume you fit into neither of these categories.
The bitter-sweet flavor of Cubby fandom is well known in Chicago, and perhaps throughout all the baseball world. Having gone over 100 years since their last pennant, it is a difficult life choice to be a fan of the ‘Loveable Losers’. Not unlike the followers of Harold Camping, Cubs fans patiently wait for the rapturous glory of vindication, only to have it cruelly pulled back or staved off by grievous misfortune. This tragic loss is always buttressed by the promise of a new salvation just down the road.
But why have the devout and righteous followers not been rewarded with their endtimes (or end season) delight? While there are always solid, logical reasons for such disappointments, the fervently devout of the world rarely take solace in cold, hard facts. Instead something inscrutable is required – a daemon or boogeyman figure that all their collective ill will can be piled upon.
What ghastly apparition have The Cubs adopted as their scape goat?
A goat.
No, literally – a goat.
In 1945, the Cubs were playing the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. At a Cubs home game at Wrigley Field a man named Billy Sianis, owner of the famous Billy Goat Tavern, was asked to leave the game. The reason? Well, Bill brought his pet goat. Fans around him were complaining about the smell of the animal and eventually it was decided that Billy and his odoriferous hoofed companion needed to go.
Before they were ejected, Sianis declared that, because of this grave offense against the horned citizens of Chicago, the Cubs would not win anymore. This is the Curse of the Billy Goat.
Yes. I’m serious.
(For this to even begin making sense you immediately need to ignore the fact that the Cubs had not won a pennant for the 27-years previous either. Since this falls into the cold, hard facts category, luckily it can immediately be dismissed.)
In 20 years will there be a F**k The Bartman shirt?
The curse of a drunk (and most likely smelly) Greek bar owner over the ejection of his pet from a major league baseball game is the reason that the Cubs wore F**k The Goat t-shirts. The part I find funny about this is it was f**king over a goat that got them embroiled in the mess in the first place. It seems to me that sexually assaulting another (or even the same) goat would only bring them even worse luck, but then again injecting sense into this sentiment is an uphill battle.
Still though, I think I have a strategy for the Cubs players and management that does not involve berating billy goats and sad little Walkman-clad men. The Chicago Cubs, one of the top ten highest grossing baseball teams in the United States, could pony up and get some good players?
Just a thought. Buying better players has to be easier than defeating the all powerful curse of a Greek shaman–cum-bartender.
