in his massive new mansion, was greeted enthusiastically by the Obama administration as a possible agent of change in the tense relationship between the tin-pot Asian dictatorship and the United States. Envoys of American goodwill reached out to the starving, poverty-stricken nation, promising food aid and integration into the global community in exchange for, yanno, stopping ludicrous attempts to build missiles and nuclear bombs North Korea can’t afford (or, evidently, build correctly) in the first place.
This entirely reasonable set of conditions were, of course, agreed to… and then promptly ignored.
On March 12th, North Korea fired an Unha-3 (Korean for “Wondrous Fireball that Honors Our Great and Fearless Leader”) multistage rocket that was supposed to put the Kwangmyŏngsŏng-3 (Korean for “Yes We Know Our Space Program Does Not Exist, But Let’s Pretend It Does Or It Is Off To The Concentration Camp”) earth observation satellite into orbit. Of course the whole world knew this was a thinly-veiled attempt to test an intercontinental ballistic missile. The typical threats were leveled, but what are such petty things as declarations made by mere mortals attempting to limit the power of a divinely-ordained leader?!
Kim Jong-un’s brave and righteous defiance of the hegemony of imperialistic nabobs at the U.N. lasted 90 magnificent seconds. This was how long his rocket, built with the best cutting-edge technology a country with a third-world power grid and practically no manufacturing facilities or engineering acumen can muster, flew before exploding.
Maybe Kim Jong-un himself did some work on the rocket, as he does have that
