Robertson Stands Pat… On Evolution?!

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson, the grand poobah of all things wacko-nutso in “mainstream” fundamentalist Christianity, made a scandalous revelation last week. The man who blamed 9/11 on gay people, Hurricane Katrina on American abortion laws and Port-au-Prince’s killer earthquake on an ages-old pact between the Haitians and Satan, was recently confronted with a serious question from (what I assume to be) a borderline psychotic woman concerned about the souls of her husband and sons.

This is her query:

I have three teenage boys and now two of them are questioning the Bible. This scares me! They tell me that if the Bible is truth then I should be able to reasonably explain the existence of dinosaurs. This is just one of the many things they question. Even my husband is agreeing with them. How do I explain things that the Bible doesn’t cover? I am so afraid that they are walking away from God. My biggest fear is to not have my children and husband next to me in God’s kingdom.

Here I shall outline the logic behind the question, pointing out the important bits.

1. Evidently three of the most important men (well, aside from Jesus) in her life had come to the startling conclusion that dinosaurs cannot possibly be only 6,000 years old. (Roe’s Note – No methodology is given for this sudden and freakishly bizarre leap in logic, though Roe believes one of them might have accidently sat on the remote while watching the 700 Club, seen a commercial for showing of Jurassic Park on TNT and decided to look into these matters further.)
2. This is plainly ludicrous, because the Bible obviously says earth is only 6,000 years old.
3. So, if her husband and sons don’t believe all life on earth can only be 6,000 years old, then they don’t believe in the Bible.
4. Hence, her husband and sons are going to hell.
5. This outcome is not desirable.
6. So how can this troubled mother convince her wayward husband and sons to forsake the ways of modern science? (Roe’s Note – I assume this troubled woman has decided that full frontal lobotomies and/or lead paint in the OJ every morning were not viable options.)