It began with the ouster of Viktor Yanukovych, the President of Ukraine and personal puppet of the Kremlin’s current autocrat-in-chief (everyone’s favorite Virile Vampire) Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. In what was either a brilliantly-timed stratagem or absolutely perfect stroke of luck, the whole world was watching as the Euromaidan movement reclaimed the Ukrainian government in the name of Ukrainian people. The Olympics were on just over the border, and Russia, already humiliated over the endless pictures of half-built hotels and sad tales of dog genocide, would be unable to directly intervene in the unfolding revolution. It would have to wait.
Little Green Men
What followed the Olympics is well known. Russia conducted a ski-masked invasion of Crimea as punishment for the Ukrainian people’s rebellion. Russian soldiers stripped off their flags and pretended to be Ukrainian dissidents. The polish and tactics of these Little Green Men gave them away immediately. Hint: most ragtag local dissident movements don’t have matching uniforms, Russian Special Forces gear, and brand new Pecheneg machine guns.
Russia vociferously denied their involvement, even after the ad-hoc national government of Crimea held a vote to join the Russian Federation which passed by unbelievable margins. TASS reported that 93% (of the over 85% turn out) of Crimea’s citizens wanted to join Russia, but what else would a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Russian government report? Polls from before the arrival of the Little Green Men put the interest of the Crimean people in joining the RF at 23 to 41 percent.
The West tut-tuted the actions of Russia. Some travel bans were put into effect. No arms were supplied to Ukraine.
Next came the newly minted “separatist” movements in the southeast of Ukraine. Rebels that – yet again – no one had ever heard of, armed to the teeth with brand new Russian equipment (including tanks only available to the Russian military) materialized. A bevvy of new brush wars ensue. Russian paratroopers operating in theater were captured by the Ukrainian military. Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 was blown out of the sky by a Russian-built BUK surface-to-air missile battery, operated either by trigger happy Russians or their equally reckless separatist allies.
The West admonished Putin,who began referring to the rebellious regions of Ukraine as Novorossiya (New Russia). A few more sanctions were levied, but no arms were supplied to Ukraine. Russia continued to pour resources into southeastern Ukraine under the guise of humanitarian aid.
